I don’t know how to show up…

Self-doubt. 

That voice in our head that starts out little and if we don’t deal with her she gets louder and before we know it we are stuck, stopped, sometimes paralyzed.

 

Then, we can feel it in our body – that spot that is our tell when we are scared.  Worried.  Doubting.  

 

We have all been there.  And we will again.  So what, right?  With the pandemic and revolution going on in the world, isn’t it normal to have a lot of fear and self-doubt (you might ask)?  
Well.  Yes.  Of course.  But, are you going to invite it to stay?  I for one have been on a quest to get to know my self-doubt a little more, and to ask it to move on.  

 

Lately in social media I have been seeing a lot of posts that say “be quiet, listen, learn, ask with an open heart”.  It is a beautiful thing – to listen to someone’s pain without trying to fix it, explain it away, or make excuses for it.  
To let others know you are there for them.  Quietly ready to take their hand.  

 

BUT, what happens when self-doubt creeps in?  What if we get stuck asking ourselves:  How can I help? I don’t know what to say, to do, or how to be to make it better.  When that voice takes hold we are rendered powerless, or at least a lot less effective.
If we show up from that place, we might as well stay home.
When we self-doubt we get quiet in the shut down sort of way, or we search for the answers in a graspy kind of way.  I have even seen a lot of ladies doubting themselves so much that they start preaching to others on how they should be and act – which in therapy land is called “projection.”
Self-doubt takes us to the defense mechanisms  and stuck places we don’t really want to be.  If you are reading this, you have been on a journey of emotional maturity and a quest for growth.  So, I know you want to kick self-doubt to the curb.

 

A few questions to ask yourself to do just that:
  • Is this question or thought fear-based?
  • If I could show up, not doubting myself, what would I say, be, do?
  • How often is self-doubt playing a role in my decision making process?

 

Let me know what you come up with!

2 thoughts on “I don’t know how to show up…”

  1. Ren Chojnacki

    Is there a link to self-doubt and lack of confidence or do they stem from two different feelings or problems?

    1. I think they are related. Totally. If we felt confident we would doubt ourselves less. And vice versa. There is a belief or two under there that is worth bringing to light. The “why” one has self- doubt or the “where” does it show up is where I would start.
      Great question and worth asking!!

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